My grouse against the slimy Indian October 20, 2011
Posted by priyawrites in Uncategorized.trackback
There have been a fair smattering of occasions, in the past several months that have often made me rather upset, and there was another one of those today. And so when I broke out of the sheltered, protected Calcutta life about four years back, I did so because I wanted to pursue a dream, to live my life unshackled, on my terms, to grow wings and fly everywhere..I wanted to see..experience the world. I wasn’t making this decision because I wanted to be done with Calcutta and India for good! And I wasn’t getting my PhD abroad because I had a dearth of opportunities or for lack of better things to do in India. It wasn’t an escape route, rather it was a very hard earned path to take, and so many years down the line I can tell you an extremely challenging one to keep to and I was/am doing it because its a dream, a passion, a calling and because I refuse to give myself an ordinary life and I can see myself going on to do things with this that hopefully I and everyone associated with me will be extremely proud of. It is thus very denigrating when people keep nagging me about ‘settling down abroad’ especially now that I am married and it should be as convenient as 1, 2, 3 to just procreate and get the supposedly invaluable ‘green-card’. And telling these people that you have no intention to do so is usually met with a gasp, and they will look at you as if you are totally out of your mind. I guess they do snigger at you as well behind your back, for how on earth can anyone want to give up the ‘land of opportunities’?! I’ve even had a person with whom I was discussing visa issues tell me I should’ve just married an American and be done with the hassle and then of course he realized I was married, and quickly covered up the faux pas by saying that he was just joking. And then of course I’ve been told that having lived in the US for so long and because I probably will stick around a couple or years more to pursue further research even after my PhD, its very unlikely that I will ever be able to ‘adjust’ to India again.
I feel ashamed that there are Indians that will fly in droves to the dungeons anywhere on earth like rats in a bid to often cover up for their incompetence and will actually live questionable, sometimes very demeaning, pointless lives all the while pretending to family and friends back home that all is well in paradise, in fact all is ‘pretend’ spectacular. And so many of them will disparage their country shamelessly to justify why they are here, ‘their’ India always conforming to the western stereotypes, a mystic land of gurus, sati, untamed wildlife and unending poverty. Its really amazing though that despite their seemingly deep and unquestionable reverence to their adopted land, America, they are essentially blind to what I think is the most defining and inspiring American virtue, to be proud of who you are and strive for excellence believing just that.
I do want to go back. Not because my parents are alone and I don’t have siblings, not because I can’t get to a higher rung of life here, but because having come here I’m able to value the education, the culture, the ethos that have defined my growing up years and have made me what I am today. I miss living in an environ that will give me a sense of belonging and familiarity, that will hold me up when am down, and I think if anyone is essentially striving to really achieve anything meaningful out of their lives they possibly can’t do it living life on a leash forever. And then what did I come here for? I came here to better myself, to experience a different dogma of education than perhaps what I had been exposed to, to hopefully take up something spectacular for my dissertation work, something that inspires me and an experience that will be a pillar for the rest of my life. I didn’t come to America to be a mediocre nobody, and most importantly I came here knowing I may want to go back, to take the best of what I have imbibed here to where I came from.
Life is easy nowhere, and there isn’t a paradise if it isn’t inside you. And in these four years I’ve experienced several ups and yes also I’ve been down the murky and blistered other side of the moon. I live a life that isn’t perfect or rosy, its a struggle, as much as the heat, humidity, inflated population, bad roads, corruption are struggle in India. And so it doesn’t deter me when I say I want to go back to India, to the peace of homecoming and to give back perhaps a wee tiny bit of all that India has given me.
People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent. Many people say what you have said, but very few do ‘walk the talk’.
There is something different about the way you put it, there is some soul to your words and I wish you all the luck.. hope you make it back to the land you love.
I believe that people do what they believe in. If they eventually do otherwise, then perhaps they never believed in it in the first place. Thank you for your comment and wishes though! I hope that some day not very far from today I will be able to do as I said, and go back home, happy.
And for the record, I will add, going back to India from abroad is no longer as much of a novelty as it was before, a lot of people are doing it, some out of compulsion from the weakening economy out here and others simply because they want to go back home.
Extremely commendable line of thought. You know Priyanka I have been told that mine is a case of sour grapes but I have a problem with people who go abroad because they need to escape. I personally know someone who realized there wasn’t much of a life here for her, went to the US to study, married an American for the green card and then each time she visited she complained about everything in India! I wondered how because she’s been in the US for 10 years, and India was another 20 years before that. SO easy to change habits and preferences? Why, she wouldn’t even have Indian friends there, or do anything Indian, even eat desi, because she hated all of it! But thanks to you, I know there is another end to this spectrum where people want to come back, where they are still clear about which one is home. Thanks for reaffirming my faith in some people’s sensibilities.
Your sensibilities are absolutely in place, no question of sour grapes! I know someone who actually spent a couple of years here in the US and ever since she has gone back, seems like all hell has broken lose. All I ever get to hear is how much she misses the blah blah blah of the States. And to be fair when I go back to India on vacations sometimes I bicker too, just like I used to when I used to live in India, about the pot-holed roads, how bad the traffic and the population is getting, so at first I used to think it was just that. That she’ll settle down, its just the pressure of change, a passing phase. But the constant hankering for everything American hasn’t stopped as yet and I’m quite sad and surprised, and so if she has been in the US for 2-3 years, she has lived in India for at least 25! And it isn’t like life is a bed of roses out here. Those who depict it that way are lying to you and pitifully themselves. What the hell!
And I do understand moving is never easy, you grow your roots and have your sentiments to small things. And you know where ever I might go after this Pittsburgh will always be special to me, it was after all the city where I grew my wings, and the longest I’ve been anywhere outside Cal. But having said that India/Cal is and always will be home. And I know I need to be back, to my roots. So one day hopefully not very far away I’m coming home!
Sweet clear headed girl you are.
Superlike!!!!!!!!!!echoes my feelings and thoughts!!!!!
this is what i was talking abt to some of my frnds and hubby few months back.. esp the way how some indians behave that their lifes are so perfect even thought every one knows that nothing is perfect on this planet. not even the planet. i also had a discussion with one of my cousins who are proud parents of a 5 yr old kid who dsnt speaks her mother tongue. there is no point in achieving greater things while you dump the basic ethics of your self, culture and respect for equality.
and some times when you hear from people talking all shit abt india, i feel so bad…. even states have some shit in them, where many states have no public transport…with high crime level, no safety for common man. here starting from the leasing office to your life insurance everyone robs you but still people pretend so happy to being here, while they cannot respect their own country for its flaws. evry country has ups & downs.
people behave like they were born in states, but they dnt have the common sense not to peak into others personal life. they have no sense at least to stand a bit distant while waiting for coffee at a coffee shop. these ppl talk abt wat not. all they do is gather at a place and talk shit abt country if not gossip abt others. i hope some one enlightens their brains some day
NIce..loved it…
Loved it….and I totally agree with your point of view.Every place has its positives and negatives and I fail to understand why certain people still persist in thinking of reaching US as the answer to all prayers!